There are things you know and have always known to be true about yourself. One of those things for me, is that I wasn’t meant to live in the same country for the rest of my life. I can’t remember a particular moment in which I realized this, probably because there has never been a moment like that. It’s just part of who I am, as it has always been.
Right now I am finding myself at a crossroad. In a few months time I will move to Finland. With that my life will change in various many ways. I will live in another culture, learn a new language, get used to other temperatures … And you know what? I am suddenly not so sure what I am getting myself into. Why again am I going to do this ? Why did I take this decision?
This is the life I choose. This is what I was created for. What I dream about. Not even just that. I am sure God is leading me in this process. I am sure it is what He wants for me. So why do I look at life and consider staying right where I am, instead of moving forward?
Because I am afraid. It’s scary. I am new to this. I have dreamed of living this way, but have never actually lived like this. At times I long for a manual. A book I can open and find all the answers I need in. Like : What is the best way to learn a new language? How will I do this new job I have never done before? Am I really going to be able to cope with the short, dark, cold days that come with a real Finnish winter? How much stuff do I bring and what do I leave at home?
Questions. Doubts. I am secure in being insecure about this.
One thing I know. God is there. He is here with me now. He has been with me in the past. He is already there, in my future. And even though I don’t have a manual that gives me the answers, I have a Father that guides me and leads me, every second of every day. And if He is not worried, then I don’t need to worry either.
Even if I am never sure that the changes that will come with living life this way, will ever get easier, I am sure He never changes. And in that, I find peace.