But could You please consider the fact that I will not be happy in Russia, especially in the cold winters? Oh and may I remind You that my stomach and Chinese food have never really worked well together? So yeah, China is just not a real option. Before I continue to say that I really do want to serve You with my whole heart, let me just mention one last little thing… Sending me to the Middle East may sound like a good plan now, but really God, they will like my blond hair too much, I will not be able to really serve You there.
So here I am. Just tell me where You want me to go. Everywhere is GREAT. Perfect! No problem. Not.at.all. I love all cultures and all people, so convenient, don’t You think? You can just send me anywhere. I’ll be fine.
Ever had these kind of thoughts? Ever talked to God like this? I promise you, I have. More than I’d like to admit. And to be honest, if things would have gone my way, I would have really not lived here anymore. At age 23, living with my parents?! No way!
Life does not go the way we think it will. I’ll be even more honest, stinking honest to you. I for sure did not think I’d be here, writing a web-log, 23 years old, no college degree. No college degree. No college degree. And it’s not going to change. You see, when I finished high school (21 at the time) I was certain the next step would be : College. Perfectly logic, right? Life is supposed to be like this: kindergarten, primary school, high school, college, work. Simply said. When I was getting ready for college God said : NO. He simply told me it was not the right time for college for me. So after some time of trying to go against Him, I started looking for other options. In the end I went to DTS. (The story is much longer, but that is for another blog at another time.) DTS with YWAM. So went there, did it, came back.
After not living with my parents for 2,5 years God moved me back to living with them. Something I certainly did NOT agree with at first. Again I started planning for college. And again God told me: NO. I figured maybe I need a little longer, but after a-little-longer He still said: NO.
I am beginning to understand why. Although I can’t get into explaining it all here, I now see that the NO to college is part of a MASTER plan that He has made up. So instead of college I started working. (Or continued, for I have worked for a decade almost already;)) And now it is July 2012 and I am ready for the next step. The time here is coming to an end. It is time for a new season. But what?
After praying about it and talking to friends I figured it meant moving to the UK. Which for a while seemed to be the right thing to do. The next step. But God has shut the door in my face. I am not lost or broken-hearted or anything. Just wondering about what the next step will be.
And mean while I am trying to really mean those words: ‘I’ll do anything, I promise, anything You ask.’ I have gotten used to the idea of not going to college, but if He asks, I will go. I am pretty done with living in Holland, but if He asks me to stay, I will. I have no heart for China, but if He tells me that’s where I have to be, then that’s where I’ll go.
Now I am wondering if there is anyone else who has gone through this and would like to share? Or someone who has done exactly that crazy thing God has asked, while they thought it would turn out ugly, but it turned out perfectly fine?
Would love to hear stories:)
God bless you!!