There is something about logging in on my web log, it is like coming home I think. Like being in a place where you are supposed to be, where you are you, where your heart has the freedom to be your heart, where you can sing and shout and dance and fail. Where you can cry, laugh and be angry. And all at the same time. I like this. I like to log in and start typing. Not knowing what I will be writing about. Just sit down and start. With a blank page before me. There is something about a blank page that I love. Maybe it’s because white is clean, there is nothing wrong with it, yet. It is a new chance to go and write, paint, draw stuff. It is my blank page. And I decide what to do with it. Not someone else, but me.
Like with life. That I am living my life and not someone else’s. I am making my own decisions. There is no one else making them for me. I don’t even have to listen to what someone else wants me to do. I can choose not to. I can choose to listen and still choose not to do what someone else wants me to. I can listen and do what they want me to. But I can choose. I can decide. It is my life. Everyday is a blank page.
Or not? Is it me making the decisions, or is it God? Am I free to choose? Is everyday a blank page, or is it only blank because I can not see that He has already filled everyday with His plans? Does it matter what I want? Does it matter what I decide? Or did He already decide it for me? Does my prayer work? Or does He just want me to talk to Him?
I think God made me as a human being, because He wants me to choose for Him. He doesn’t want a robot that is programmed to follow Him every second of the day.. He doesn’t want someone who is not free to choose.. because that would mean we would all choose for Him, not because we want to, but because we can’t do anything else…
Thanks God for giving me the opportunity to choose for You.
I will choose You, always